I can’t breathe/Make me a paintbrush, lungs

I lay in a too-large bed watching the sunset in a hotel high rise,
decadent truffle wrappers strewn on the sheets
of the most comfortable bed I have ever laid on
Newly purchased clothes haphazardly hurricained around the room
narrowing my eyes
angry about a fly
that is now dancing a mating ritual around my kombucha
Asshole.
Simultaneously I read the headlines from my friends
about another body killed without accountability

If this were two years ago
I would be skipping work
marching alongside my friends
Writing poems,
Asking questions about allyship,
Burning with the desire for political justice, for social justice,
For human rights.

But I’m a pop singer now. I have fans. And a record label.
Not to mention a persistent insect asshole roommate that won’t leave my delicious beverage alone.
After all, I wouldn’t want to let the fans down by speaking out.
It could offend people. It could make them uncomfortable.
After all, people only want to listen to my music, right?
Not be force-fed my ideology or stance on human rights

But when I think about it-
Isn’t being a plus-size, bi-polar, crop-top wearing lesbian inherently political?
If not me, then who?
If not now, then when?

1. The word “indict” means simply to bring to trial.
Just because you didn’t mean to kill somebody doesn’t mean that they are not dead by your hand.
2. Drunk drivers never mean to hit families
3. Sometimes I get drunk
4. Sometimes I get drunk with my own privilege
5. Perhaps talking about race isn’t easy. Perhaps the conversation should be about police accountability. There are a lot of necessary conversations. Perhaps we should talk about the asshole fly trying to weasel itself into my expensive drink.

6. Yes. All lives matter. This conversation is not about white people and the thirst to be included, white people. This conversation is about being a person of color and that relationship to authority.
And the naiveté of some whiteness, along with the concept of being “colorblind”
is endearing at best
Segregation ended in 1954, but there is no statistic I can give you
that says systemic racism ended just because you were born.
I appreciate your soft youth, your hunger for peace
If you are indeed “colorblind” my loves,
How could you ever see the vibrance of any canvas
Of Magritte or Basquiat or Picasso
Or the world around you

Reality is terrifying.
Humanity is frightening.
But when you see the dark
with full eyes, wide as all
You have the gift of illumination
To see also the facet of humanity that is starkly beautiful
That is the core of humanity’s magic
To stand shivering in it’s wake
Aware of your own humanness.

7. I want to be a paintbrush
I want to paint this beautiful sunset on the eyelids of every single one of them surrendering mid-death
mid-cop
mid-justice
half-life
hands up
i can’t breathe
My sheets are twisted around me
My sheets are crisp and rich and the building is tall I am sweating in my own privilege
and the fly is back.
Did I mention the fly
Did I mention the fly was black
Did I mention the fly was a black man
I didn’t kill him
I went on the patio of this high rise
and wrote this
while the sunset held my hand with unfiltered indigo and pomegranate
Did you see it too

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7 DAY ALBUM COUNTDOWN BEGINS NOW SOMEONE BUY ME DEPENDS

giphyI’M FREAKING OUTTTTTTTT BABELY BABES. This is my first ever full length album, and every song is a precious angel born in my brain and heart womb (strange visual, my apologies) and I’ve never been more proud as an artist. I can’t wait for these magical moments in time to be in your ears and hopefully have you love them as much as I do. SEVEN DAYS SEVEN DAYS HALLELUJAH I’M GONNA CELEBRATE TONIGHT BY GOING TO BED AT A REASONABLE HOUR.

Listen to my album before release on iTunes Radio!

First things first, (I’m the realest) (Again, sorry), YOU CAN HEAR THE ENTIRE ALBUM TODAY. TODAY CUTIE ANGEL PIES!!!!!!! iTunes First Play is streaming all of Heart on My Sleeve. EEEEEE!!! I can’t send you emojis via email, but if I could, it would be clapping, clapping, santa claus, fireworks, thumbs up, blushing cat kiss, and like ten christmas trees. I want to know what your favorite songs are, which songs you want to make out to, which song made you cry, which songs you think your mom will like, and which songs you drive through the night with your hand out the window when it’s just you and your friends and the air feels cool and good.

And great news if you wanna tell me, because iTunes is also hosting a Twitter Chat for me tomorrow afternoon at 4pm EST/1pm PST. You can follow the chat & ask me questions using #AskMaryLambert. Thanks iTunes!

Other great things that happened this week and I love you a lot:

Watch So Far Away Lyric Video

We were super sneaky and released the lyric video for “So Far Away”!

Read fan #MarySecrets Postcards


I love love love seeing all of your Secrets postcards and the honesty you shared. It means so much to me to see that so many of you shared vulnerable parts of yourself with a random person. You never know; the person on the receiving side of your secret could be going through the same thing, and it’s comforting to know you’re not alone. I totally cried scrolling through. YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST. If you got one and haven’t posted you can still share yours using #MarySecrets on Insta!

Get my handwritten Heart On My Sleeve diary

ALSO! You can still grab an autographed copy of Heart on My Sleeve via my super secret special store (I love alliteration). ALSO ALSO, I added a cute handwritten notebook to the store with handwritten lyrics, a drawing of a cat, and a full digital download of the deluxe album.

I can’t believe it’s actually happening. Three years ago, I was working three jobs and did a kickstarter campaign for $2000 to fund my first EP. We have come a long way, pretty babes.

7 DAYS UNTIL THE ALBUM RELEASE!!! TELL YOUR FRIENDS, TELL YOUR PARENTS, TELL UNCLE RICKY AND YOUR DRUNK NEIGHBOR AND YOUR CO-WORKER SUSAN SO WE CAN BLOW THIS SHIT UP AND THEN WE’LL ALL HUG EACH OTHER AND SMILE CRY BECAUSE OF HOW FUCKING BEAUTIFUL IT IS TO BE VULNERABLE AND MAGIC AND WEAR YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE.

THIS IS HOW I FEEL:

gif-unicornsSnl-so-freakin-excitedRon-Swanson-is-excitedtumblr_mcprdmbG8m1qln00mo1_400elf-excited-o

Thank you for all of your constant love, cartoon hearts, and support, you guys. It moves me.

xoxo,
M

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Questions of entitlement and quasi-celebritydom

Hey pumpkins,

A lot of posts have been about promo, which is super important, because I want to tell you what I’ve been up to and how we can connect with each other. Connection is so cool and great and I want to hug everyone!

kitten hugging a bear

If you google animals hugging each other you will cry.

This post is not promo- though I’m GOING ON TOUR and HAVE A RECORD COMING OUT AND MY SINGLE IS BANGING
. I’ve been processing a lot about what it means to be quasi-famous. I wrote a little blurb for buzzfeed that kind of talks about it too. I’ve mostly been thinking about the idea of entitlement, and as one becomes more saturated in the media, the more people may feel entitled to them or their story. For instance, after I perform, I need need need at least 5 minutes to myself in silence to recollect all of my emotions and reclaim my sanity. I go to some pretty real places in my shows, which is important to me because my performances are about vulnerability and showing your true self which can sometimes be scary. Show days usually consist of a 6am flight, a radio visit or promo, a soundcheck, a meet and greet, a performance, and then pack-up. I love what I do, even if it can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Recently, a group of girls snuck into my green room right after the show. I had a flood of emotions- flattery, fear, anger, shock, among the idea that I also felt it was endearing. I’ve never been in a situation where my privacy was so deliberately challenged, although I know the intention was positive and flattering. What was I supposed to do? I smiled, was nice and took photos, signed autographs, though feeling quietly frustrated. In addition, one of the girls wanted my advice about performing. I gave everything I had the entire day, and it wasn’t enough for them. They wanted more. It’s clear to me that the feelings that they had, though rooted in positive intention, are felt not just by them. It’s kind of the nature of celebrity culture; the entitlement. After the exchange I had with them, I had a panic attack.
Of course there are a lot of things at play here- security will now be better and more aware, my team knows to be more firm, even if I appear friendly.

In a similar sense, I’ve been experiencing entitlement from interviewers. Because I speak openly about my traumas in my music and poetry, it often appears as fair game to interviewers. And there’s nothing that gets ratings like a shocking story, right? The problem with prying about trauma details is that it has the potential to re-traumatize a survivor. Again, like the fans breaking into the green room, I believe the intention is positive. Most often what sends me into panic attacks is the interviewer citing specific examples of my traumas. Here I’ll disclose, because I’m in control (I’m unicorn

Self portrait

Self portrait

queen of my website) The question that frequently pops up is “You suffered a gang rape in an army barracks and were molested by your father. How did you get through that?” The question is so abrupt, unkind, and insensitive. I am happy to talk about trauma in a general sense- I think dismantling stigmas is an important part of what I do. A much kinder question to ask is, “You have experienced a lot of trauma in your childhood, how did you get through that?”

Again, I also feel as though I’ve invited these questions because of my vulnerability. Can I fault people for asking? Is this the negative implications of vulnerability? I’m not sure. I question whether this re-traumatization is self-inflicted in some way. Talking openly about being a survivor is something I value, and maybe part of my job as a vulnerable artist is to educate in some way. I’m still figuring it out. I think there is a clear difference between “telling” the story of trauma and “processing” through the trauma. I have done a lot of the processing in therapy and in

kindness2

You know, the next time you’re in a field full of sunflowers, hug a baby.

my personal life. In my music, I tell the story of my trauma. Is there more work to do after that? Perhaps in the public eye, the next step is to educate. Still seeking the answers for these questions in my personal and public life.
Until then, on behalf of your friends that have survived traumas, be respectful, sensitive, and kind when bringing up those topics. Remember: Is it relevant? Is it kind?

In response to the interviewers who speak about trauma callously, I wrote a poem. It felt really good to write, since the better part of my life now is about business and strategy and town cars. Poetry is so grounding and connecting.

HOW TO BE A TALK SHOW HOST
“are you better than how you started is it everything you dreamed of
also we heard about what you went through and we have concerned eyebrows”
I don’t know. I feel the same. I feel love all the time. I feel invaded sometimes. I feel happy tears when I see people holding hands. I am still many pages in a fucked up book, illustrating all the ways that trauma creates art 
I feel powerful. I feel seven years old. 
I am so hungry for their tan faced questions to be genuine- for eye contact on a red carpet instead of glancing at the evening sheen of other more important people
“Mary! How different is the world now that you’re a star, not just a bartender anymore, right sweetheart, how much does the sun glitter 
when you shit, 
cupcake?
and 
can you believe you got raped
pumpkin?”
During the week I performed at the Grammys, an interviewer on a celebrity gossip show asked me on live television, without warning to talk about my rape. I will not tell you what I said. I will tell you what I should have said:
Do you have a daughter
Does she smell like christmas morning
When she gets excited, does she cyclone out of herself like balloons in the wind
Is it beautiful
Are you proud like a gold bird
When people hurt her, do you want to decapitate them limb from limb
slowly with hawklike precision and burn their eyeballs out with acid 
Good
because that is what love is
so when you ask me about how I got over my rape in the same breath as asking what Madonna wore to rehearsal, I have to wonder what is your concept of human kindness
In a parallel world, I am your daughter
And if you asked me about the night I was raped,
you would give me sad stars in your eyes, not a vacant cell 
of two strangers oblivious, detached
you would hold my hands like fucking churches,  
you would let me tell you about the teeth of the wolves at my thighs
You would want to kill them with your bare hands
and without question
you would let me cry oceans
into your crisp white shirt
for far more than 2 minutes and 30 seconds before commercial.
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I’M GOING ON TOUR. HOT DOGS FOR EVERYONE.

I’M PACKING ALL MY SHOES AND GLITTER AND GOING ON TOUR BABES. HOT DOGS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!

hotdogs

 

 

 

 

It’s my first headlining tour with a band and a crew and I feel so fancy! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!

See all the dates below and get more information here.

MaryLambert_HOMS_Admat_TD

 

And my prince and princess unicorns, don’t fret if your city isn’t on the list above. More cities and shows to come later this year. Pinky promise.

xoxo,

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Meet My Sexy Ass Band

The BAND! My band is the absolute best. My whole team is the absolute best.
But I don’t think you know for real real how incredible my band is. They are ridiculously talented, kind, and a complete riot to hang out with. It should be noted that they are also total babes, and should totally do a Macy’s Christmas commercial or something.

EEEEEEE

EEEEEEE

CUTIE PATOOTIES

CUTIE PATOOTIES

I’ll be touring for the bulk of this year. SO MANY SHOWS MY GOD SO MANY SHOWS.
And you’ll see these virtuoso musicians/friends/soulmates with me along the way. Buy them beer. And buy me a hot dog. And a whiskey. And a puppy.

 

This is Heather.

SHE SINGS AND PLAYS BECAUSE SHE IS A GODDESS

AHHHH HEATHER STAHP YOU’RE THE COOLEST

When I grow up, I want to be Heather Thomas. She is a fucking beast of a drummer. She’s the newest of the team, but it feels like she’s been with the crew forever. We’ve been playing shows together for about 6 months, and she is one of the funnest people to hang out with, play music with, and talk serious shit with. On tour, we call her Lone Wolf Thomas. You can too. I’ve learned so much from Heather in such a short amount of time. She is one of those people that puts things in such a wise perspective that you’re like “UGH Heather, why do you have to make me think about compassion and empathy for other people, I just wanted to run them over with my car for laughing and walking slow,” but then you’re also super grateful because she for real for real shifted your consciousness with one sentence. I can’t wait to spend more time playing music with her and learning more lessons about humanity. Heather is also a skateboarder, lead singer of her own band, hackey sack enthusiast, and former tap dancer (SHE DID A SET ONCE WHERE SHE PLAYED THE KIT AND THEN TAP DANCED BECAUSE SHE CAN DO ANYTHING BECAUSE SHE IS A GODDESS AMEN). Heather is an institution, and I can’t wait for her to take over the world.

This is Maiah.

Oh did I mention Maiah is also a professional model as well?

TALENT AND BRIANS AND HILARITY AND SHE IS ALSO A MODEL DID I SAY ‘BRIANS’ THAT IS ABSOLUTELY INCORRECT

Maiah Manser and I met in college at Cornish College of the Arts. I was instantly blown away by her songwriting and her unbelievable vocals. She is one of the kindest, most talented human beings that has ever come into my life, and she is a rare treasure to anyone that knows her. Maiah never ceases to amaze me with her insane vocals and emotional connection to her writing and voice. Maiah inspires me to be a better musician and human being. One of my favorite videos of all time is her owning the shit out of her loop system. On top of being a master of her craft, Maiah can multi-task like no other. I asked her to sing back-up. Then I asked her to play synth. Then I asked her to play bass. Then I asked her to do them all at the same time. And she nails it every fucking time. On tour, Maiah’s nickname is (sorry Maiah) Wormhole. This is due to her third eye actual psychic abilities. You may not call her that. She is one of my favorite people to tell secrets to and I feel like we’ve been friends for millions of years in so many lives. Maiah just released her first single, “Hold Your Head Up” which completely slays. She has a show (with TIM) on Sept 6th in Seattle and if you live in Seattle and don’t go, you better be having a colonoscopy or getting married or something terribly important/awful.

This is Tim.

TIM I'M GOING TO PINCH YOUR CHEEKS ALL THE TIME

TIM I’M GOING TO PINCH YOUR CHEEKS ALL THE TIME

Tim is my very best friend. We met working at a restaurant in Seattle where I farted on him and we crushed on cute girls together and got drunk and cried way too often.
Tim plays every instrument you can think of. And not just half-assed. He is one of the most brilliant guitarists/bassists I’ve ever met; a true master of his craft. I sent Tim the new album (which I wrote without the band in Los Angeles) two weeks ago, and said, “Hey can you learn all of these songs in two days/program all the sounds/help design playing to track/teach me how to play them/play three instruments at once? IS THAT COOL TIM?” And Tim said, “fuck yes I will, Mary, because I’m a damn boss.” AND HE DID. Like the rest of the band, Tim’s solo writing is phenomenal. The sounds he makes with his guitar literally move me to tears.
Tim’s nickname varies. The rest of the band calls Tim, “TimTitty” I have a hard time getting those words out of my mouth, so often I just call him “Asshole” because every day is opposite day. You may not call him either of those names, though he would insist you can call him whatever you like and then give you a hug and ask you what your birthday is. He is the brooding lead singer of his band, Dark Hip Falls, a band that has been the movie music for my 5-margarita-kind-of-nights. The Summer I turned 19, Tim came to my apartment and stayed with me through the night when I wanted to kill myself. Now we get to play music together all the time. And I still fart on him.

 

Can’t wait for you guys to meet the rest of the crew! See you on the road!

 

xoxo
M

 

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THE WEEK OF OMG

Hey my pretty little angel muffins. Last week was a cray zay week. Let me recap:

B.o.B dropped a serious rhyme on “Secrets” AND IT’S SO GREAT HAVE YOU PLAYED IT FOR YOUR MOM OR YOUR WEIRD COUSIN YET? They will probably both like it. Incidentally, I am usually the weird cousin.

I was actually really hesitant to have a rap feature on this song, but B.o.B put such an incredible verse down, and it complimented the song in a way that I never expected. THANK YOU B.o.B YOU ARE SO BOSS.

Listen to it here:

Mary_Secrets_BoB_5x5_RGB

Stream on Spotify or YouTube

Also also also!

  Screen Shot 2014-08-22 at 12.03.41 PM

I released the lyric video for “When You Sleep” !! It is one of my favorite videos I’ve ever made. Huge props to Samantha Soo for bringing the song to life.  ISNT SHE AMAZING?! I met Sam on MySpace when I was 15. Embarrassing.

Another fun thing this week: I made a neat playlist! I also made myself toast! And I cut an apple up! All by myself!

Unrelated to anything: I’ve been watching HGTV nonstop. Related to something: Instead of installing a kitchen backsplash or tearing down walls for an open concept living space for you, I made you a Spotify playlist of all the songs that influenced the making of Heart on My Sleeve. I’ll be adding new tracks every week, so you can subscribe if you want to, boo boos. You may even hear some more nuggets from the album. And no not chicken nuggets, ear candy nuggets. That kind of sounds like a terrifying jelly bean flavor. Gross.

Another ‘nother thing: THE FIRST ROUND OF SECRET POSTCARDS HAVE GONE OUT AND THEY ARE SO AMAZING YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST. When you get yours in the mail, I want to see it. Take a pic with the secret you receive, share on your favorite social meeds (Twitter, Instagram, Vine or Facebook), and tag it with #MarySecrets. Your pretty face will appear on my super secret wall of secrets that’s actually not super secret. Secrets secrets secrets.

OH AND THIS HAPPENED.

Screen Shot 2014-08-22 at 5.02.42 PM

HI HARRY STYLES YOU HAVE PRETTY HAIR AND I’M GLAD WE SHARE SIMILAR FEARS MAYBE WE SHOULD GO ON FEAR FACTOR TOGETHER

xoxo,
M

P.S. You can still pre-order my album, “Heart on My Sleeve” here!

P.S.S. SHAZAM! Tag “Secrets” everyday on the app and you’ll get a new secret video from me. You can watch the first secret on YouTube here.

PSSSSSSS I think you’re all cute.

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WARNING: Don’t eat granola while pre-ordering my album. It can be dangerous.

Hello pretty babies.

(I’m going to do my best to remain collected because I feel like I yell at you in excitement on the regular but…)

YAAAAASSSS, YOU GUYS. YOU CAN PRE-ORDER MY ALBUM AND I ALMOST CHOKED ON GRANOLA.  You can get “Secrets” AND “When You Sleep” instantly when you pre-order! Holy smokes.mary_14_A

When I think about you being able to hear these tracks I’m instantly like:  OH I FEEL LIKE UNICORNS
lisa-frank

Thank you so much for all the love, feels, and support. You guys are seriously the best.

xoxo,
M

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The “Secrets” music video is HERE!!!!! AND my face is in it this time.

Ok, remember way back when I promised that the lyric video was only a placeholder for the really amazingly glorious music video we shot for “Secrets”?! Well, in all its Viking-helmet-wearing, confetti-blasting, and tiny-kid dancing glory, the video for “Secrets” is HERE!!

I’M SO EXCITED!!!! WATCH BELOW!!!!

mary video

I know, it’s amazing (kudos to the actress who plays my therapist…).

But now I want to get serious(ish) dudes and dudettes. For those of you who just tuned in, I have a neat postcard secret exchange happening! It’s kind of like a therapeutic Post Secret chain letter. Have you shared a secret with my #MarySecrets campaign? Click here to anonymously share something with me AND someone else. You never know who you could inspire or affect by just one little truth. My wish is that the freeing effect occurs not only with the receiver, but also the writer.

I still have a few super cool limited-edition copies of Heart on My Sleeve that I’m signing just for you. Have you pre-ordered yours yet? Speaking of pre-order…. HEART ON MY SLEEVE OFFICIALLY GOES UP FOR PRESALE ON ITUNES TUESDAY!!!!! That means we’re getting closer to the album release. OMG I can’t wait for you guys to hear it. Seriously.

That is all.

xoxo,
M

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The wait is over babes.

“SECRETS” IS AVAILABLE ON ITUNES,  AMAZON, and GOOGLE PLAY!!! Eeeeeeeee!!!

You can get it now and scream with me in excitement because I’m perpetually four years old at Christmas (that was the year I got “Little Mermaid.” A very pivotal year for me) and I like sharing things with you, cuties.

Single Cover Mailerxoxo,
M

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I want to hear your SECRETS!

Now that I’ve divulged all my secrets to you in an adorable polka dot video with manicured nails, I want to hear YOURS!!!! Part of this song, though it’s super fun, surrounds the belief that sharing vulnerable parts of ourselves with other people can be really freeing. When we share our secrets with each other (secrets often meaning aspects of ourselves that are shrouded in guilt and shame), we’ll be one step closer to a more beautiful and fulfilled society.

That said, I LOVE TELLING SECRETS. I LOVE LETTERS. I love postcards. I love stamps. I love cat stickers.

I bet some of you do too, which is why I thought:

Wouldn’t it be neat if we all sent each other postcards of our secrets??

Click here to get in on the secret-postcard-fun!  Share your secrets and get an anonymous secret snail-mailed from someone else. I want us all to know that we can share who we are and what we are with everyone and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.

Check out the postcards that you can choose from:

unnamed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xoxo,
M

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